A blind date
by Unicorn of death
Summary: As the title suggests, blind dating. Roxas is playing Cupid and Xigbar and Demyx are the main victims. XigDem, XalLux, mentions of AkuRoku and Larxene x Namine and implied MarVex, and rated for sex references and swearing.


**A blind date**

**Warnings: **Some swearing, snogging, sex references, and romance. Oh, and it was written at three in the morning, so it might not be my best work. You want my best work? Read my other stuff.

**Disclaimer: **If unicorns such as myself owned KH, the games would actually come out sooner, because even unicorns who don't have opposable thumbs would work faster than the Squeenix team. WHERE IS KH3?

xxx

"You're bluffing."

Larxene threw down her hand in disgust and stood up. "I was getting bored of your shitty game anyway. C'mon, Naminé, we're going."

Naminé looked timidly up at the taller blonde. "But I have a good hand."

Everybody watched in horror as Larxene grabbed Naminé by the backstrap of her bra and pulled her viciously from her chair, ignoring her protests as she dragged her out of the room. Then Luxord grinned widely and said, "Demyx? You still playing?"

Demyx nodded nervously. He and Luxord were now officially alone, and he wasn't exactly holding the best poker hand he'd ever held. It could be worse, though. They could be playing strip poker.

"Want to make this a little more... interesting?" Luxord purred, before laying down his cards. Demyx winced and put down his own, then pushed his chair back from the table. "Um... I... I think I'm supposed to be meeting someone in an hour, actually, so I need to... to get ready..."

"Oh? Who?" the older man asked, eyeing the musician with interest. He was hot, sure, but nothing special. Nobody Luxord had ever met was _special_. But sex was sex, and Demyx looked like he'd be good in bed, if a little on the lazy side. "Anyone special?"

"Um, well, Roxas set me up on this... blind date..." he admitted, blushing slightly. He wasn't fond of blind dates, but he'd been desperate. It wasn't even that he was lonely or anything, but Larxene had told him that Luxord was after his ass and he decided he should get himself into a relationship, and fast. "Why? Do you want to tag along? I'll get Roxas to ask this guy to bring a friend...?"

"Sure..." Maybe he'd score a foursome. Or maybe he'd get into Dem's pants and the blind date and his friends could just take care of each other.

He watched as Demyx got to his feet and took out his cellphone. "Hey, um, Roxas? You know that blind date you set me up on? Could you ask the guy to bring, like, a friend or something? Only, Lux wants to come too... Oh, c'mon, he has to have _some_ friends, he knows you, doesn't he? ...Oh. Right. Um. Well, doesn't he have like, an _acquaintance _of some type, at least?"

Luxord watched as a cute smile pulled Demyx's mouth up at the side. "Yeah, thanks, Rox. I owe you one. I'll lend Axel my handcuffs, right?" He laughed. (Luxord was both surprised and rather pleased by the thought of Demyx owning handcuffs.) "Okay, see you. Thanks again, Roxas, you're the best."

He hung up and returned his attention to Luxord, smiling just-too-brightly. "So, um, I guess you won at poker again, huh?"

"Yes, and now you owe me one." Luxord stood up. "How long did you say we had until your date?"

Demyx swallowed. Sometimes, he really didn't like poker.

xxx

"Okay, we're looking for a blonde with weird sticky-up hair and another blonde with a beard and some earrings."

Xaldin nodded. "And which one do I get?"  
"I think you're getting the earring one, since Roxas wanted me to go for the sticky-up hair guy because apparently – hey! Is that them?" Xigbar pointed at a really, _really _attractive dirty blonde with a slightly older, much less sexy friend. "Shit, Xal, I think it is! Go and say something!"

"What? Why me? It's _your_ fucking date, you just dragged me along because I owe you a favour after you – hey!" Xaldin had just been forcefully shoved towards the two blondes and was now directly in front of them. _This is why you have to have your cousin set you up on dates, _he thought bitterly, _because you're such an ass to everyone._ "Um, are you two meant to be, um, meeting someone?"

"Yeah, are you Roxas's cousin?" the one with weird hair asked. Really, Xaldin thought, he looked _ridiculous_, especially compared to his older friend.

"No, but my friend is." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at his "friend" – really, the guy he used to share a dorm with in college, and who was now almost entirely friendless – before returning his attention to the hot guy with the earrings and his annoying little buddy. "I take it you're, uh, Demyx?"

"Yeah, and this is Luxord," Demyx said warmly, indicating the really, really _hot_ guy next to him. Was Xaldin meant to be on a blind date with _him_? Thank fuck, thank God for Roxas and Xigbar and blind dates and everything, everything ever, it was all so great... "So, that's the guy I'm meant to be on a date with, huh?" he added quietly, nodding towards Xigbar, who was still a fair few feet away, one eye stuck on Demyx and the other someplace else, the hole it left being covered by an eyepatch. Xaldin had once hidden Xigbar's eyepatch, back when the two of them had shared a room in college. Not one of his best ideas. "How come he's still all the way over there? Is he shy?" The kid's face – really, he did look like a kid, especially compared to the _man_ standing next to him, reserved and sophisticated and pierced all the way up both ears – fell at a sudden thought. "Does he not like me or something?"

Finally, his friend – Luxord – spoke. "Don't worry, Dem, who could not like you? He's just shy. Right, um..."

"Xaldin," Xaldin said hoarsely. At least he'd said the right name. That was always a good start. "And it's just because Xigbar isn't used to dealing with people much. He works from home, you know, and he doesn't have very many friends..."

"Yeah, Roxas said. Lux, go say something." Demyx looked even more like a kid when he was trying to hide behind Luxord.

"Why don't you do it? He's _your_ date, Demyx." Luxord pushed Demyx in Xigbar's direction, chuckling when the awkward little kid tripped over his too-big feet and almost faceplanted before regaining his balance and tiptoeing his way to the one-eyed recluse. "Sorry about him, he's always been a little awkward. It's cute, though."

"If you like that sort of thing." Xaldin didn't want to look like an ass, but he also didn't want to look like he was interested in Demyx. He wanted the blonde _in_ _front_ _of_ _him_, accent strongly British and tone always teasing, always hinting... "So, how'd you get roped into this? Awkward over there get scared and want a buddy to hold his hand?" And now he was unable to use proper English and he sounded condescending as fuck.

Thankfully, Luxord laughed. "Something like that, yeah."

Things were going great.

xxx

Xaldin, Luxord soon decided, was _special_. In the hour they'd been talking, there had been so much more than just flirting. There was actual _conversation_, about music and films and childhoods and everything, anything, just a thirst to know more about him, and to tell him more about himself.

Demyx was quickly reaching the conclusion that Xigbar was a dick, and _why_ did Roxas think that this was a good idea, and _why_ did this guy swear so much, and it was _so unfair_ that Luxord was totally hitting it off with Xaldin and he could barely hold up his end of the conversation.

The worst part of all of this was, he was actually attracted to Xigbar, and he could tell that Xigbar liked him too.

"So, Demyx..." Demyx dared to look up from his mocha latte and was met by one beautiful – erm, he _meant_ urine-coloured eye, fixed on him like a homing missile. "Why'd you bring your friend along?"

"Because he wants to get into my pants," Demyx admitted with a small laugh. "It's what he does, see – picks one person, usually a guy a little younger than himself, and just keeps at them until they give in. And apparently it was my turn." Xigbar looked a lot less laid-back than he had a minute ago. "Why? D'you like him?" _You're welcome to him if Xaldin doesn't mind_, he added angrily in his head, but he knew that he didn't mean that. He knew that actually, he didn't want Xigbar to leave.

"Not in the slightest. What're you doing, hanging around with someone as slimy as that little fucker?" Demyx twitched again. Sure, he would swear if he'd, say, dropped something on his foot, or burned himself on the stove, but he didn't punctuate every sentence with some kind of profanity like Xigbar did.

Later he would admit to himself that it was actually pretty hot.

"Well, he... I dunno. He kinda came with Larxene, who came with Naminé, who came with Roxas." It was odd, actually, to think that he might not have any friends if not for Roxas. "So, uh, I know why _I'm_ on this date, but if you don't me asking –"

"Because I'm a cunt." He didn't even sound angry, exactly, just matter-of-fact. Blunt. _More bullet than sword_, Demyx's uncle always used to say, when talking about blunt people. "I don't really have any friends, see, and Roxas said I should try and meet someone." He smirked. "And I guess I've done that now, huh?"

"Yeah, you have." Another envious glance at Xaldin and Luxord, who were at another table, actually holding hands now. Something inside Demyx really wanted to hold Xigbar's hand, but he held back – his pride held him back. "You don't seem _that_ bad..." he said contemplatively, looking at the guy again. He actually looked really sexy, in a kind of what-on-earth-am-I-thinking-this-is-practically-a-_fetish _sort of way.

"Well, I am." He looked less cocky now, actually. "And I can tell you don't like me. You keep looking at those two –" he indicated Xaldin and Luxord "– like you just can't wait to for them to be done, so that you can leave."

Demyx's face fell along with his shoulders. "No... but if you wanna go, then I guess..."

"I don't if you don't. But don't pretend, Demyx." Demyx decided that he didn't like it when Xigbar was annoyed. And he was _definitely _annoyed now.

"No, it's just... it's just, they're getting along _really_ well, they're holding hands and everything, and I..." He sighed. "I just feel like I'm annoying you." _Like I do to everyone else_, he thought.

"As if." Xigbar's voice was a whole lot softer now, and Demyx felt a surprisingly gentle hand enclosing his under the table. "I'm sorry. I really like you, you know."

"I like you too." The nicest thing was, it didn't take any thought. It was just _true_. "I'm glad that Roxas made you come here."

"Truth be told, he didn't _make_ me. He's only about three feet tall, you know. He just told me about his musician friend with what he called "weird, sticky-up hair" and I was interested. And then I saw you and..." He sighed. "And I haven't said a single thing right since."

"I think..." He bit his lip, trying to remember what his uncle Vexen had said about personality disorders and relationships. Nothing that had seemed interesting or relevant at the time, but... "I think you have really low self-esteem. So you're mean to people, because they wouldn't like you anyway, right? You don't even give them a chance to like you. But I think you're being nicer to me than you would to most people, even though you're scared I'll reject you."

"You're a genius."

Demyx blushed and looked at the floor. "It's just 'cause my uncle's a psychologist, you know, I pick up a lot of stuff."

Xigbar squeezed his hand gently. "So, you really don't hate me yet?"

"Nope. You're gonna have to try harder if you want me to hate you." Demyx, well-known for his complete inability to control his own speech, then inadvertently added, "I think you're really hot."

His _face_, that was what was hot. Demyx was burning up with embarrassment, and Luxord, from his table with Xaldin, noticed that the musician was the same pink as the sunset outside. "Look," he said quietly, turning Xaldin's attention away from him for a split second. "I don't think I've ever seen Dem blush that much. Think things are going well for him over there?"

Xaldin shrugged. "Fuck knows. Xigbar is really blunt sometimes. He could have said more or less anything to Demyx, you know. So, anyway, you were talking about patchwork quilts?"

Whilst Luxord was talking about patchwork quilts, casually inching his knee closer and closer to Xaldin's beneath the table, Xigbar was just watching as Demyx grew steadily redder and redder.

"I... um..." he sputtered at long last. "Forget I said that, I –"

"So you _don't_ think I'm hot?" Demyx just sat with his mouth partially open, wondering what he was supposed to say. "That's a shame, because I think you're fucking _gorgeous_."

"Um... well, yeah, I do. I think you're... yeah." Demyx looked Xigbar in the eye and started giggling, relieved when the older man joined in as well. "Wow, I'm so smooth, aren't I?"

Xigbar raised an eyebrow and a hand simultaneously, and ran a finger along Demyx's jaw. "Yup, smoothest I've felt in a while." More laughter, as Demyx's face tingled from the brief touch. "You know, a mocha latte barely counts as coffee. What, are you one of those people who gets hyper with it or something?"

"_Yeah_..." Demyx said emphatically, remembering the many, many times he had embarrassed himself when buzzing with caffeine. "Luxord is too, actually."

"I don't really give a shit about Luxord," Xigbar said bluntly. "C'mon, I wanna see you hyper. Let's go order you a cappuccino with five extra shots, yeah?"

Demyx blinked. "_Five_?"

"Unless you want six." Frantic head-shaking. "Well, fair enough. Five it is. Come on, this'll be fun."

xxx

Xigbar was sitting with an exhausted Demyx draped over him, in his quiet apartment that sat inside a friendly but at the same time oddly cold and artificial apartment block. He'd been right – Demyx on coffee _had_ been fun. The blonde had kissed him twice, fallen over his own feet and onto Xigbar, called Xaldin fat (something that Xigbar found hilarious – he still hadn't forgiven Xaldin for stealing his eyepatch that one time) and admitted to really, really, _super-_liking Xigbar. Honestly, it wasn't healthy for anyone to get this hyper. He'd only had two cappuccinos... or maybe four... all with at least three extra shots... but whatever. Now Xigbar knew what Demyx tasted like, and he wanted more.

"Dem? You still alive?" He prodded the immobile boy on his shoulder. "C'mon, wake up, you need to get home soon anyway."

"Uhh, leave me alone, I'm dreaming."

"What're you dreaming?" he asked softly, his fingers trailing up Demyx's neck. It was a nice neck.

"I had this dream that I went on that blind date Roxas set me up on already," he said thickly, his eyes still shut to the world. _Aww_. "And the guy was really gorgeous... he only had one eye, but I didn't wanna ask... and at first I didn't really like him, but he turned out to be real nice, and he bought me loads of coffee and then I... oh. Hang on." He pulled himself away from Xigbar and opened his eyes almost reluctantly. "You aren't Marluxia," he said, as if accusing Xigbar of some awful crime. It was sort of hot, actually. "You're the guy from the dream."

"It wasn't a dream, Demyx," he replied, taking Demyx's hand, "and who's Marluxia?"

"My uncle's husband. He has this habit of inviting me over to watch really girly movies and then when I fall asleep he paints my toenails. He always goes on about how much he wanted a niece, but you know, my parents both being girls, he's lucky he got anything at all." Demyx squinted at Xigbar. "So if you're really Xigbar... I just told you that... oh."

"That I'm _really gorgeous_, and at first you didn't _like me_, but I turned out to be _real nice_?" Xigbar reeled off, trying not to sound like too much of a dick about it. "Yeah, you just said that. It's okay though. At first I thought you were really hot, but you turned out to be really, _really _hot, and a great kisser as well." It was times like these that he missed having both eyes – he wanted to be able to wink at Demyx, but he had to settle for a slightly crooked smile instead. "Speaking of that..."

Demyx kissed him shyly, pulling away _far _too soon. But they had plenty of time. Xigbar could find out from Roxas what Demyx's schedule was, and work around it. And he was going to win this kid completely, or so help him... He had never, ever felt this weak, this needy, this... he had never liked someone this much before.

"I should get home, my moms will be wondering where I am." He stood up and stretched, his shirt coming up just a little and baring some of his waist to Xigbar, who, being an opportunist, memorised the exact shade of the skin, as well as the placement of a beauty spot and what looked a lot like fine, blonde hair trailing down into Demyx's pants. He'd like to follow that trail, and soon. "I wonder how Luxord and Xaldin got on."

Luxord and Xaldin were making plans as they spoke, determined to meet up again as soon as they possibly could.

"Yeah, Thursday's great," Luxord said warmly. "You know, there's something really... _different_ about you."

"Different? In a good way?" Xaldin asked. He had the sexiest voice Luxord had _ever heard_. Ever.

"Yeah, in a good way." Luxord was so _cute_ when he was shy. "Um... I should probably..."

"Wait." For the eleventh time that day, Xaldin turned his head to the side a little, leaned in, and kissed Luxord with everything he had, trying to convey some emotion that would have been tainted if put into words. When they pulled away he saw it, burning in Luxord's eyes, but neither of them voiced it. There would be time for that later.

Plenty of time.

xxx

_You have -two- new voicemail messages. Press one to listen. Press two to –_

_BEEP_

"_Oh my God Roxas! Oh my God! You know that date you sent me on, with your cousin? He's AMAZING, I think I'm actually in love with him, we're going back out tomorrow, thank you SO much! I thought you didn't know what you were doing at first but you did, you really did, thank you thank you thank you! If he mentions me at all, let me know, okay? Thanks, you're the best!"_

_BEEP_

"_Roxas? Hey, it's me. Xigbar. Look, I'm sorry for being a cunt to you and your boyfriend and your sister and her girlfriend and everyone else. I'm really, really sorry. Your friend Demyx is amazing. I think I'm in love with him, Roxas, can you believe it? And I think he likes me back. Thanks, man, I owe you one. Oh, and Xaldin and Luxord are nuts about each other, but they won't admit it. See you soon, I guess."_

Axel finished listening to Roxas's messages and put the phone down. He was like a little blonde Cupid, that boyfriend of his. Demyx and Xigbar, huh? It shouldn't work. But somehow, it did. Like Larxene and Naminé.

Cute, really.

xxx

So, yeah, I just wanted to upload today but I didn't get around to planning the next chapter of The Babysitter so I just did this completely off the top of my head. Apologies for any errors but it's three in the morning here in Britainland and I'm still awake, so it's surprising I can make words at all. Review with requests, compliments, criticisms, challenges and cheesecake. Thank y'all and goodnight.


End file.
